People who believe marriage will bring them commitment, or security in life, should really check some facts.
How many couples do you know who stay together out of fear of what people will say, or for the sake of their kids, their aging parents, their financial security, or their social image — while feeling uncomfortable in the relationship, and perhaps even having relationships outside their marriage? I’d guess you know a fair few. Or perhaps you’re wondering if I’m talking about you.
Those who believe marriage itself will bring them happiness, love, commitment, togetherness — may want to understand that marriage never guarantees anything. Look around for evidence rather than taking my word for it, or judging me for saying it. Marriage is an event in life full of opportunity, but with no guarantees attached. It’s an expedition you should be excited to explore and experience with someone — an institution where you agree to share your life, heart and soul with them. Which means commitment has to be a prerequisite going in, not something you expect marriage to hand you afterward.
I personally believe commitment is an emotion you hold for another person — where, by choice, you stay faithful to them. And the parent of that emotion is love. You love someone so deeply that, beyond a point, your love naturally transforms into an unconditional commitment. If staying committed to someone requires a rulebook to constrain you, it isn’t truly commitment — because it will only ever restrict your physical presence, driven by external rules rather than by your heart, mind and spirit, none of which can be constrained by rules. That isn’t what commitment really means.
I believe that if I love someone enough to feel emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually committed to them, I wouldn’t need a rulebook of do’s and don’ts. I wouldn’t need a marriage certificate to start feeling that commitment, nor would that certificate mean much beyond social status and a sense of security for my growing years — unless that’s the only reason I chose to marry. Marriage alone doesn’t take care of what my heart actually needs.
For me, when it comes to feeling committed to someone, marriage is simply an extension of two people already in a relationship — giving them the tools to experience the journey together, one that won’t only offer beautiful views, but also some difficult climbs they choose to face as a team.
Forgive me if this sounds like I’m against marriage — I’m not; I’m very much pro-marriage, and it holds real value for me. But my intent is to bring clarity to the idea of commitment, and not let it get confused with marriage. True commitment is a byproduct of love, not of marriage.
You might ask — how can someone be truly committed before marrying, especially in an arranged marriage? The answer: you can enter a relationship, and even fulfil your responsibilities within it, but a true commitment that goes beyond rules only comes when you actually feel love for your partner. So equating commitment with marriage, or with fulfilling responsibilities, is a myth.
Those who say they’re committed to their spouse simply because they’re married may actually be more concerned with their social image, more focused on how others perceive them, or more reliant on rules to keep them bound to their partner for financial or social security. Such people don’t fully trust themselves to stay in a relationship without an external push from law and social rules, and would likely behave very differently without those restrictions.
Because those who are committed out of genuine love need no laws, no rules, and no social pressure to tell them what to do. They simply are, not even for their partner’s sake, but because of who they choose to be. That’s the magic of love — and that’s what true commitment looks like.
So redefine what commitment means to you. Stop waiting for marriage to hand you commitment, whether from yourself or your partner. Give what you need to see in a relationship, and let marriage be the event that magnifies and multiplies the life you’ve already chosen to build together.
